When Big Brother went a bit tooooooo far
by drummergirlzindahouse
Summary: When the Big Brother house gets filled with the School of rock kids it all gets a bit toooo far. HOW WILL THEY COPE?;)


**Big Brother!**

Day 1 - Kevin admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of katy. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, summer is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although lawrence later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.

2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. joey creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. hannah hits him with a pole.

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of james young highschool out of string cheese. After much persuasion by joey, they gamble 50 of next week's food budget on completing the task.

4 - Training for the james young highschool task is well under way. However havoc ensues when lawrence, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the string cheese. hannah is furious.

5 - Today is the day when the james young highschool task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when lawrence farts and blows james young highschool over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. katy cries.

6 - joey gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, katy admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a brick . Kevin says he never wears condoms because they make his dick sore and joey agrees. summer goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. lawrence sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up joey.

8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Kevin goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. hannah and katy are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Kevin.

9 - hannah and katy are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. summer sings them a song - balamory theme song - to make them feel better.

10 - The public vote katy out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. katy leaves.

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with katy's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. summer has to make do without the cucumber she requested. hannah is visibly depressed and is comforted by joey, who tries to touch her on her arse.

12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of joey touching hannah's arse over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40 of the food budget on completing it.

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that lawrence refuses to run because his dick hurts a bit.

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. lawrence finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. hannah calls lawrence a lazy dick.

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Kevin tells everyone individually that he thinks hannah is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. hannah and joey are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Kevin.

16 - The nominations are announced. hannah can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. joey is equally stunned and turns to hannah for comfort. lawrence is distraught and confesses to summer that he thinks he is in love with joey. summer says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know

17 - The public vote joey out of the house. hannah says she is gutted and even gives joey a clipping of hair from her head to prove how much she cares. lawrence is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. joey leaves.

18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of hannah clipping the hair from her arse. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of germany in 60 seconds. They gamble 50 of the food budget on completing it.

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of germany sounds like but lawrence says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Kevin as the one who must complete the task.

21 - Kevin successfully burps not only the National Anthem of germany but also God Save The Queen, balamory theme song and the theme tune to drake and josh. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98 of the public want to kill him.

22 - Nominations are due and Kevin tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. lawrence and summer are nominated.

23 - lawrence and summer take their nominations well and sit down with Kevin and hannah to discuss why they voted for them. Kevin keeps quiet but hannah accuses lawrence of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred dick before bursting into tears.

24 - The public vote summer out of the house and nobody really gives a shit. summer leaves.

25 - Kevin becomes the first housemate to have a wank. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Kevin's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a wanker.

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of tiger dung using only a knife(chainsaw in CDT). Kevin is unsure but lawrence is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50 of the food budget.

27 - Completely out of the blue, lawrence breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the tiger incident from his childhood. hannah tries to persuade him to stay but Kevin sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. lawrence decides to leave.

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the tiger dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by hannah from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.

29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Kevin asks hannah to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Kevin nominates hannah to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does hannah.

30 - When the nomination is announced, hannah graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Kevin is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Kevin takes his £70,000 and runs away to germany. Nobody, including hannah, ever sees him again.


End file.
